Rummaging around in a dusty corner of her storage unit, she pulled out a little orange book from under a box and blew the cobwebs off the cover.
“How to Let Go of Overthinking” — it had a yellow cover with a folded corner but other than that looked like it’d never been opened.
She was trying with abandon to rid herself of the little knick-knacks taking up space in the unit she was paying $200 a month for so she could let it go. Amazing how these moves let us take steps forward in our lives. Nothing quite like getting rid of the ‘ol storage unit.
“This is perfect for you.” She handed it to me, and turned around to continue rummaging.
I stood there holding the book in my hand, instantly overthinking.
Is this what my friends think about me? Is this my problem? I’m a meditator, I’m a professional productivity person. Why do people see me as an over-thinker?
What was intended as a gesture of generosity and consideration quickly became an attack inside my very own head. Fortunately I was able to catch it and stop it from spiraling out of control.
Quick check in with my breath. Then: She didn’t mean anything by it. It’s just a little book. She’s trying to help and also clear out old shit at the same time. No big deal.
This used to happen all the time. Taking words or actions the wrong way, turning something simple into something complicated, and becoming absolutely frozen as a result. It’s affected work, relationships, and certainly stress and health levels over the years.
Overthinking can be one of many presentations of the neurodivergent mind (1). To some, it’s no big deal, but in my work with creatives and entrepreneurs—especially around implementation and follow-through—it can be crippling.
So what can you do about it?
If you’ve been wondering how to overcome overthinking, I’d like to introduce you to the concept of under-thinking. It’s going to require a willingness to see things differently, and a humility around cognitive processes that’s quite rare, but you’re still reading so let’s dig into it, nice and simple.
Start with self-compassion
The first thing I always (ALWAYS) recommend is to soften towards yourself when you’re struggling with something. Compassion towards yourself is true humility, and being able to drop into a place of understanding can be one of the most powerful ways of addressing any internal conflict.
If this is the way you’ve always been, that’s hard. It’s a challenging way to be. Maybe you can extend some compassion to yourself for that.
The fact that you’re even exploring a way to moderate the intensity of an internal habit is huge—most people never get that far. In addition to the compassion, let’s give you some credit as well.
Understand the why
Also, our culture supports us being in our heads. It’s how we are trained. You are not alone, and it’s completely understandable that you think about things—there’s likely a motivation there. You might benefit from some gentle inquiry around what overthinking has gotten you thus far. For me, I earned social points for being the one that thought of things. In a way, overthinking in situations like this keeps me safe because I’m extrapolating meaning that may be helpful… but often is not.
Return to your breath
Overthinking tends to happen when we are lost in our thoughts. So, a solid solution is to start there. When you notice yourself ruminating, bring your attention to your breath. It’s one of the most simple and essential steps you can take. Your mindfulness practice will help you so much with this. When you notice your mind wandering away—to helpful places or otherwise—you can bring it back to the present moment by observing your respiration. Very simply. Just be aware of the breath passing in and out of your nose. It will interrupt the stream of thoughts for long enough to realize that that’s all they are: thoughts passing.
Consciously Underthink
Once you’ve caught the thoughts, brought your awareness to what’s actually real (your breath passing in and out through your nose in the present moment) then you can choose different. You can opt to under-think rather than over-think. What does that mean?
Well, let’s not overthink it. 😉
- be aware of the thoughts. they are just thoughts. they are not truth… that’s the truth.
- what is an alternate story that may be just as true? what’s a way more simple way of looking at this situation? for example, in this storage locker moment with my friend, my brain went along the predictable and well-formed pathway of defensiveness and impression-management. what do they think? i’m not like that am i? to under-think it would be to catch the story asap, and revert to a less predictable but just-as-potentially-true reality: lots of people overthink and my friend was just trying to clear space in her unit and thought i may benefit from this little yellow book. it’s not a big deal. move on. close circle.
- that’s where the breath comes in. the more you can stay present with your breath, the less you are tumbling around with the thoughts in your mind. the more you can bring yourself back to the present moment, the more you can train your mind to underthink things, and keep moving forward to an internal state that’s peaceful, not fraught.
Underthinking is a conscious act. A learned skill. And if you’re here to do your work in the world, I hope you’ll start to practice it because overthinking burns a lot of energy and you’re going to need that energy to get after your dreams.
If this was helpful, check out my free resource on how to get started with a mindfulness practice.
Until then, please remember to take good care of yourself.
All in,
Jen.